


pull me together

by patriciaselina



Category: THE iDOLM@STER: SideM
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 15:33:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17206043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patriciaselina/pseuds/patriciaselina
Summary: Hayato panics, and Shiki, of all people, does something about it. A oneshot for SideM Secret Santa.





	pull me together

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Samaimia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samaimia/gifts).



> 会う度に感じる　二人の引力が  
> 導く未来待ってるよ  
> 君がいて僕がいる　それだけで  
> 他には何もいらない  
> Gravity pulls us together every time we meet,  
> Guiding us to the future we have waiting  
> You're here where I am, that's it,  
> I don't need anything else.

Shiki just dunked the entire cone of melting ice cream into his super mega spicy cup noodles.

It's usually at around this time when Haruna wonders aloud if he can do the same thing with donuts, or when Jun motherhens him again about stupid life choices and things he is not allowed to inflict on his throat, or when Natsuki...wait does Natsuki even care what he does with his food, anyway.

But anyway, all of this doesn't happen, cuz the three of em aren't here today, on standby outside their usual recording studio. Today it's just him and Hayato, which isn't really mega max _weird_ , per se, they've been talking and chatting and practicing on their own a lot, heck they even had a _beautiful_ radio episode together. It's not weird that it's just the two of em in a waiting room that usually has five, not really.

What's weird is that, when Shiki does stupid (but trendy, he insists, TRENDY) stuff with his food, Hayato usually has some sort of reaction. Ranging from the "this shouldn't surprise me anymore, huh," to the "oh crap is this what the popular kids do now _do I have to ride this hype train_."

Shiki thinks either reaction is kinda cute, actually.

This may probably be why the lack of reaction is maybe sorta kinda making him a _liiiiiiittle_ bit sad.

"Hayatocchi. What's wrong?"

"Huh? Nothing, Shiki-kun, what made you think that - _oh crap Shiki kun did you just make bubbly siracha milk it looks like **hell**_."

"Mega melty ice cream and only the _best_ cheese Reicchi was hyping out over last weekend, perfect spicy sugary dairy hell if you ask me, I'mma _die_ on this hell," Shiki says without missing a beat, absolutely proud of his concoction, hell the tone he talks about it with even sounds musical. Maybe he should record himself sing-songing it the exact same way and record for Jun to use in a new song somewhere. But then Jun would know what he did, and here comes the motherhenning. "But yeah, _kiiiiiiinda_ felt like there was _something_ when ya crumpled the lyrics sheet up?"

" _Ah_." It's a testament to how absolutely spaced out Hayato was that he only realized this now, and not earlier, when he was doing the actual crumpling. "Oh. Um. Right. Sooooo _that_ was the lyrics sheet. Ah haha. It's ok, don't mind, I can just flatten it out..."

Shiki's pretending to smoke an imaginary pipe, pretending to adjust an imaginary scarf. What kind of shitty patchwork Sherlock is that even, but whoever its supposed to be carries on in a booming, cocksure voice. "But from my hyper precise calculations, Hayatocchi, the mega amazing lyricist who thinks lyrics breathe life into a song, will always think he can't dare wrinkle a precious lyric sheet." Softer now, no more theater, only fond - "Especially since they're lyrics you wrote _yourself_."

"Wow." Hayato says, eyes wide open, face a mask of shock, absolutely awed. "You caught that?"

"I've been singing your words for years, Hayatocchi, didya think I was never gonna notice? I know I'm stupid but I'm not _that_ stupid, yanno." Shiki huffs, before turning a little bit away. "...also, Producer-chan and I were gushing about it together, and they said you did amazing so that means I was right."

"Ah, haha," Hayato says, his cheeks a bit pink, like they always are when people compliment him. "Um, thanks...?"

"Anyway. You're amazing and your lyrics are super amazing and your singing is super duper amazing. So. Why'd ya space out. You're talking to me now, but why do you look..." Shiki tilts his head. Leans in closer to Hayato, his halfeaten cup noodle bowl forgotten. Hayato's breath hitches, but Shiki doesn't seem to notice. "You look...scared?"

Ah. Hayato sighs, and wills the warmth on his face to go away organically. "I don't wanna mess up, Shiki-kun. You know that's always what I'm thinking about." Hayato looks down, down - _wait you're looking at the Kumacchi cushion over Shiki-kun's lap, maybe not that down, do not be jealous of a pillow, shut up Hayato's brain_. "I'm guitarist, vocal, composer, heck I'm the leader. I am absolutely not supposed to screw up."

"Ohmygod _HAYATOCCHI SAID A BAD WORD_..." Shiki half-orates, half-shouts, fully projects, as if he was playing some overdramatic mom in some overdramatic sappy musical. Somehow his palms are on both of Hayato's cheeks now, gently cradling his face. "Don't push yourself, my sweet little kiwi pie senpai. You don't have to pretend to be edge for us. We can assign it to someone else. Hm I wonder if Harunacchi--"

"That's not what I mean and you know it," Hayato says, although his voice does sound a bit... _squished_ , well, because of the squishing Shiki suddenly thought was a fun thing to do. _Cute faces like Hayatocchi's are the best faces to squish!_  But then Hayato averts his eyes and looks away, sighing - "Sorry. Maybe I should've suggested you be with someone else."

 _Oh crap did I joke too much did I touch too much does he actually not wanna be alone with me_ \-- here comes the usual insecurity that usually autopilots its away through Shiki's brain, but Shiki swats it away for now by thinking Hayatocchi split twin ice lollies with him the other day so obviously he loves him. Maybe not _love_ love. ~~Unfortunately~~. But it's enough for Shiki to know it's not because he's hated.

So if it's not because he doesn't wanna be alone with Shiki, then...

"Why?"

"Because this...a duet...just the two of us, it sounds stupid but it's. A new thing." Hayato mutters, slowly, just as slowly as he tries to pry away Shiki's hands on his face. Emphasis on the word try. He does not succeed. "New things are fun. But scary. And we all know how good I am with scary things."

If the haunted house was any indication: absolutely earth-shatteringly horrible. But, for a moment, the light dims in Hayato's eyes, and it takes that moment for Shiki to know it isn't just about ghosts.

Shiki's hands - which are, maddeningly, still on either side of Hayato's face - move to squish his cheeks again, but it's less Shiki messing with him and more of a signal. _Don't look into the distance, look straight at me._ And when Hayato does -

Shiki's eyes are softer than he's ever seen them before.

"That makes two of us then, Hayato-senpai."

The way he says this also sounds so soft, Hayato wants to sink into it and stay there forever.

 _But wait does that mean_ -

Shiki probably registers the obvious look of panic on Hayato's face, and Hayato can only wish this registers with him wrong.

"Why are you looking at me like that? You know what I mean." Shiki's thumb grazes Hayato's cheek, softly, and only now does he realize; Shiki's hands were trembling. "I'm not any good with scary stuff either."

"But you -"

_You don't look like it. You barreled face first into Producer's arms to tacklehug them as soon as we arrived. You chatted up all the staff members and even the super strict music coach. You were nothing but sunshine so -_

Then again, Hayato thinks, Shiki always takes everything to heart. Happy and sad thoughts alike. It's what makes him who he is.

"Arererere _re_!? Didya forget? Kumacchi grants me hyper mega max nervousness forgetting power!" Shiki says, suddenly reverting back to his usual cheerfulness, before mellowing back down, looking back at Hayato with those eyes that make his stomach go all funny is he gonna survive through this pep talk. "But seriously. I just kinda. I mean. It seemed kinda obvious to me."

Shiki's leaning closer to him with that soft look on his face, and suddenly Hayato's throat feels awfully dry. He swallows down - something, may be nerves, may be more of those somersaulting butterflies. _Shut up Hayato's brain no seriously just **shut** **up**_.

"What do you mean?"

"You're here, and I'm here." Shiki says, smiling, pressing their foreheads together. He falls quiet, then, breathing evenly, and when they suck in a deep breath at around the same time, Hayato realizes Shiki was synchronizing their breathing.

"Haah. See? Nothing to be scared about! We're super duper sync mode now so we'll get _super lit_ , and even if...we won't get that lit, we'll be not lit together."

That kinda doesn't make any sense, but if Shiki's so sure about that, well, then, Hayato is super sure about _him_.

Hayato's eyes may have gone a bit watery when he thought that.

Stupid _feelings_.

"...thanks."

"Aw, 's nothing, Hayatocchi. Anything for ya."

A beat passes, and then:

"Shiki-kun, are we really gonna stay like this until Producer-san finds us, 'cuz you're pulling my head too far and my neck is gonna hurt."

"Hey the book said we have to sync breathing for five minutes so--"

"What do you mean - _oh NO Shiki kun were you looking through my books again you know that **isn't funny**_ \- "

"' _Super Quick Ways To Stop Panicking_ ', right? It's okay, Hayatocchi." Shiki says, laughing, but his laugh isn't judging Hayato at all, it's the same quiet fondness from earlier, "Y'know I need em, too. Where'd ya keep finding these super specific self-help books?"

"I'll take you to the bookshop later," Hayato says, and no this is just an _errand_ with a best friend not in the least bit a _date_ why does the warmth flood back into Hayato's cheeks _**now**_.

"That's a date, then!" Shiki says, breezily, back to his usual brazen confidence, cluelessly unaware of anything flitting through Hayato's face right now, especially when he draws away from the other boy to turn his attention back to - "Book also said something about ' _sharing experiences_ ' so okay, Hayatocchi you can have half my soup - "

"Shiki-kun _I love you_ , but for the love of god get that away from me."

Yeah, they'll be alright today, too.

 

**Author's Note:**

> HOW DO KIDS SPEAK THESE DAYS I AM OLD LADY I HAVE NO CLUE HELP
IT HAS BEEN LITERAL YEARS, I AM COMPLETELY UNABLE TO WRITE SHIPFIC but hell if i know why hayato obvsly has a crush, idk how that happened ask him
this is gonna sound extremely stupid considering who i got the idea [and the fucking title from](https://twitter.com/postscriptress/status/1052652364031619073?s=19) but my first step in doing this was to continuously remind myself that shiki and hayato cannot be and never will be kashicomi
absolutely never
this applies to their voices, and not just when they sing or speak; they all come from very different mental places so while one may think me listening to the radio would make this a walk in the park for me no siree it did NOT
dont worry i wasnt in any way thinking of the seiyuu while writing this cuz if it was shiki would be the one freaking out and he'd lock himself in the room as hayato passes him chicken nuggets under the door or something totally not something like this
anyway. cradles hayato and shiki in my arms, my kids precious and saikou
it was super fun!!! i...haven't written fics in forever but i hope y'all like this!!! happy late holidays~



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